when i'm thinking of stand still, you come and offer two steps forward, a kind of drive that boosts every best need in my deep heart, and i don't know why your arrival has always been punctual
when i'm wordless with moment of confusion, you unveil new words of love then show what the true love is without asking me whether to love you back is a must, instead you offer me a choice to be free like a bird
when i'm trapped of mixed feelings of being human, you step in and lead me to one corner of life, showing me a series of wonderful things, sharing me load of wondrous moments that later i know they are magical by any standard
and then i'm lost in thanking you in the end...
and i know you my guardian angel sent by our Dear Lord only for me...
if i can be honest...
sometimes i wish i were your hope when doubt arrives
sometimes i wish i were your tears under the pouring rain
sometimes i wish i were your channel into blissfulness
sometimes and many times...
if time still remains, if clock still ticks then i know my time will arrive to take you back home, a place where sun shines all the year without being disrupted by immortal disease of living (this is what you've been wanting)...
i know you need a peaceful place to live your remaining future, a kind of place where your dream to be gardener might be visualized in real terms, as you keep mentioning this wish over and over again (this is what you've been wishing for)...
and i promise you to take you there, a home of peacefulness, a kind of place where your heart belongs forever
i'll take you there...
Thursday 8 October 2009
...moments and suddenly...
sometimes i love being unknown...
sometimes i just love being unnoticed...
sometimes i just think and love being no one...
sometimes i just wish, hope and love being someone that falls into ordinary...
sometimes i just miss the moment of being nothing with myself...
the moment when i feel nothing is the joyful moment when i start thanking for everything i've been blessed, a healthy breath and a happy life which is precious by any means
the moment when i stop thinking is the enticing moment when i feel abundant, fulfilled with present life for which many have said i've been blessed more than others, and still, the blessing continues pouring
the moment when i look outside is the cracking moment when i feel full inside when my hunger of loving my loved ones is suddenly driving me like no endless road for which my scale of loving is suddenly inflating to the unthinkable level with which i have no control
suddenly i'm only dealing with moments....
suddenly i'm seeing myself into moments....
suddenly i'm with ms. giving heart that melts me to the ground...
suddenly i see bright future in my hands...
sometimes i just love being unnoticed...
sometimes i just think and love being no one...
sometimes i just wish, hope and love being someone that falls into ordinary...
sometimes i just miss the moment of being nothing with myself...
the moment when i feel nothing is the joyful moment when i start thanking for everything i've been blessed, a healthy breath and a happy life which is precious by any means
the moment when i stop thinking is the enticing moment when i feel abundant, fulfilled with present life for which many have said i've been blessed more than others, and still, the blessing continues pouring
the moment when i look outside is the cracking moment when i feel full inside when my hunger of loving my loved ones is suddenly driving me like no endless road for which my scale of loving is suddenly inflating to the unthinkable level with which i have no control
suddenly i'm only dealing with moments....
suddenly i'm seeing myself into moments....
suddenly i'm with ms. giving heart that melts me to the ground...
suddenly i see bright future in my hands...
Friday 18 September 2009
Me & Giving
Suddenly I know I must write again and I don’t have to like what I have to write
All I do know I must write what I’m feeling now as load of thoughts have been stamping upon my mind in the past two days, something which is unusual to feel but usual to beat and I’m now taking this chance
I might have been overjoyed with what this life has treated me in some extents, and my belief in giving instead of taking seems to be behind every move that I lately make, despite increased alertness has also been followed with whether my giving is the right giving or not
I must write what I believe about “pay it forward” despite I have not watched this movie
I must write “pay it forward” because I think it is like contagious disease which is good
I must write it, right now, as I know it is something worthwhile for fighting for
I must write to tell you I want to do something more for this decent world
So now I’m writing…
A few days ago, I was faced with slightly delicate situation where I was asked to favor things I’m tempted to do which is to help someone in thorny situation where a fast help is the only choice
I was torn into two as another alert from this bottom heart was in question, but I was just too blind to say “yes” because I know it was something I shall do instinctively when things get harsh when I know I shall lend a helping hand
When I agreed to favor, a series of thankfulness was flown, but all I had in mind was a sentence of “pay it forward”, and it was just spoken out in blink of an eye which was funny to read but then it was enjoyable to feel in later hours… I said…”
“don’t thank me, but thanks to our Dear God, because He makes this meeting possible, and He was given me a chance to show you to do another PAY IT FORWARD to someone else, somewhere in the future, whenever someone comes and asks help from you”
I don’t know the impact of my sentence, but all I know the lad was sitting in front of me was close to tears, and he is a mature guy, older than me, better than me, smarter than me and more experience than me…
I was thrilled for some seconds and I have nothing to say in later minutes…
I was drown into unknowingness of my sentence but gladness of telling was just overwhelmed…
Then I believe I might have done something minor to this world by doing something good forward which we all do have rights to do, but few might be interested to do, but then I promise to do this as partly of my commitment to do more “giving and giving”
I was still in the state of shock to know this chap was still sticking to my words, and finally when he left he promised to do the same to others who might come later to ask for another favor
Suddenly, ton of blissfulness comes into feeling and it was just enormous to handle this blessing, but I know it was all just a decent beginning
All I learn when giving is a habit, taking would mean less as giving gives more joys than what taking could give…
Try to keep giving as He’ll do the taking
I love giving, and I want to meet the love of my life, Ms. Giving shortly…
All I do know I must write what I’m feeling now as load of thoughts have been stamping upon my mind in the past two days, something which is unusual to feel but usual to beat and I’m now taking this chance
I might have been overjoyed with what this life has treated me in some extents, and my belief in giving instead of taking seems to be behind every move that I lately make, despite increased alertness has also been followed with whether my giving is the right giving or not
I must write what I believe about “pay it forward” despite I have not watched this movie
I must write “pay it forward” because I think it is like contagious disease which is good
I must write it, right now, as I know it is something worthwhile for fighting for
I must write to tell you I want to do something more for this decent world
So now I’m writing…
A few days ago, I was faced with slightly delicate situation where I was asked to favor things I’m tempted to do which is to help someone in thorny situation where a fast help is the only choice
I was torn into two as another alert from this bottom heart was in question, but I was just too blind to say “yes” because I know it was something I shall do instinctively when things get harsh when I know I shall lend a helping hand
When I agreed to favor, a series of thankfulness was flown, but all I had in mind was a sentence of “pay it forward”, and it was just spoken out in blink of an eye which was funny to read but then it was enjoyable to feel in later hours… I said…”
“don’t thank me, but thanks to our Dear God, because He makes this meeting possible, and He was given me a chance to show you to do another PAY IT FORWARD to someone else, somewhere in the future, whenever someone comes and asks help from you”
I don’t know the impact of my sentence, but all I know the lad was sitting in front of me was close to tears, and he is a mature guy, older than me, better than me, smarter than me and more experience than me…
I was thrilled for some seconds and I have nothing to say in later minutes…
I was drown into unknowingness of my sentence but gladness of telling was just overwhelmed…
Then I believe I might have done something minor to this world by doing something good forward which we all do have rights to do, but few might be interested to do, but then I promise to do this as partly of my commitment to do more “giving and giving”
I was still in the state of shock to know this chap was still sticking to my words, and finally when he left he promised to do the same to others who might come later to ask for another favor
Suddenly, ton of blissfulness comes into feeling and it was just enormous to handle this blessing, but I know it was all just a decent beginning
All I learn when giving is a habit, taking would mean less as giving gives more joys than what taking could give…
Try to keep giving as He’ll do the taking
I love giving, and I want to meet the love of my life, Ms. Giving shortly…
Monday 11 May 2009
punctuality, selfish & sour taste in my mouth
i might have a song to sing but i'm not sure whether you have lyrics to write
and if you do what kind of lyrics to share?
was it a blemish lyrics?
or was it bleak tone?
to be honest, loads in this mind to write but i'm unsure whether blaming, accusing, or pointing finger to others is a good way to earn respect, instead i believe it is one of the simplest ways of losing respect from others
and i'm now sure that seeing some attitudes in selfish people on the last friday really produced some bad tastes of sourest feeling in my mouth, and this bad taste remained here till the minute when jotting down this piece of writing
i tried hard to leave it all behind, but the harder i tried the harder it haunted me back, so i shall be honest to share that last friday was a blemish day as the person i must meet was simply unpunctual, unjust, selfish, blaming lover and just unnice to meet with
i shall be 30-minute earlier from the scheduled meeting to avoid any potential late of weekend's traffic, and i was there in senayan city at 430pm, as the meeting shall be at 5pm, and this meeting had been rescheduled from 4pm, because i sensed that 4pm might be too tight for this person
when reaching there, i texted that i was ready at any time for the meeting, and it was replied that "thanks for informing, and i'll see you soon", and with this reply i was sure to meet up at 5pm as i must leave this place at 630pm to have another gathering meeting at 7pm in cityloft (later i joined my friends in mu cafe)
what happened to my surprise, this person turned up in 535pm, without any noticed despite i texted twice to confirm whether the meeting was still on or not, and when i was about to leave, this person turned up with smile by saying "sorry i was disrupted by shoes for a while"...(later i found out this person was shopping shoes before meeting me... omg)...
i felt sour in my mouth, and my body language was clear with unease feeling...
right away i felt unease dealing with this person and it was just killing me...
and what happened next was even amazing as i was blamed from being too discipline with schedule and left no room to be late, and i was left wordless to know that i was in the position to be accused further...
(where in the world the wrong accuses the right?)...
i was lost for a moment or two...
when i was finally able to get myself on the grip, i noticed that this person shared a series of things that i abhored most in this life which is unpunctual and selfishness...
look, i'm not a perfect by any means and i can be late or later by all means too, but i believe it is really fair if we tell the other side if we are late or later, while indicating how long will be late as this is to show some good respect to others which is very common by any means
but without any notices, instead shared the blames, and tried hard to defend some arguments which is silly and baseless in my very assessment, i think, this person was just wrecking the whole good image that i had and this was disaster indeed from now onward
gladly to know in later hour before saying good bye, an apology was shared and accepted, despite no sign of sincerity in apologizing was given, for which, i think it was an obvious indication this person was just too much for the pride
i might be wrong in sharing this, but i think i must write for relieving something i feel really bad in this mouth...
i'm hopeful our Dear Lord will understand why i shall complain about this as i'm -by nature- not a complainer, but this person took so much of my dislike of last friday
till day arrives i know i shall find the best way to deal with this person, i shall take more initiatives by callings or texting before the meeting, otherwise, my time was wasted, and if possible, i try not to deal with such personality that only leaves plenty of sour taste in my mouth
have a splendid monday everyone...
and if you do what kind of lyrics to share?
was it a blemish lyrics?
or was it bleak tone?
to be honest, loads in this mind to write but i'm unsure whether blaming, accusing, or pointing finger to others is a good way to earn respect, instead i believe it is one of the simplest ways of losing respect from others
and i'm now sure that seeing some attitudes in selfish people on the last friday really produced some bad tastes of sourest feeling in my mouth, and this bad taste remained here till the minute when jotting down this piece of writing
i tried hard to leave it all behind, but the harder i tried the harder it haunted me back, so i shall be honest to share that last friday was a blemish day as the person i must meet was simply unpunctual, unjust, selfish, blaming lover and just unnice to meet with
i shall be 30-minute earlier from the scheduled meeting to avoid any potential late of weekend's traffic, and i was there in senayan city at 430pm, as the meeting shall be at 5pm, and this meeting had been rescheduled from 4pm, because i sensed that 4pm might be too tight for this person
when reaching there, i texted that i was ready at any time for the meeting, and it was replied that "thanks for informing, and i'll see you soon", and with this reply i was sure to meet up at 5pm as i must leave this place at 630pm to have another gathering meeting at 7pm in cityloft (later i joined my friends in mu cafe)
what happened to my surprise, this person turned up in 535pm, without any noticed despite i texted twice to confirm whether the meeting was still on or not, and when i was about to leave, this person turned up with smile by saying "sorry i was disrupted by shoes for a while"...(later i found out this person was shopping shoes before meeting me... omg)...
i felt sour in my mouth, and my body language was clear with unease feeling...
right away i felt unease dealing with this person and it was just killing me...
and what happened next was even amazing as i was blamed from being too discipline with schedule and left no room to be late, and i was left wordless to know that i was in the position to be accused further...
(where in the world the wrong accuses the right?)...
i was lost for a moment or two...
when i was finally able to get myself on the grip, i noticed that this person shared a series of things that i abhored most in this life which is unpunctual and selfishness...
look, i'm not a perfect by any means and i can be late or later by all means too, but i believe it is really fair if we tell the other side if we are late or later, while indicating how long will be late as this is to show some good respect to others which is very common by any means
but without any notices, instead shared the blames, and tried hard to defend some arguments which is silly and baseless in my very assessment, i think, this person was just wrecking the whole good image that i had and this was disaster indeed from now onward
gladly to know in later hour before saying good bye, an apology was shared and accepted, despite no sign of sincerity in apologizing was given, for which, i think it was an obvious indication this person was just too much for the pride
i might be wrong in sharing this, but i think i must write for relieving something i feel really bad in this mouth...
i'm hopeful our Dear Lord will understand why i shall complain about this as i'm -by nature- not a complainer, but this person took so much of my dislike of last friday
till day arrives i know i shall find the best way to deal with this person, i shall take more initiatives by callings or texting before the meeting, otherwise, my time was wasted, and if possible, i try not to deal with such personality that only leaves plenty of sour taste in my mouth
have a splendid monday everyone...
Tuesday 5 May 2009
i'm glad...
and we don't know how it ends as i never know when it begins...
if i'm blamed to wait too long to see an opened door after another door was closed the other day, i'll take the whole blame, and i never regretted to come to term to seize this joy of life that i'm now savoring
at least, a new beginning started last night when honesty was unveiled in the 70-minute talk over the phone, and i was surprised to have known how much wrong-impression you got over me just by looking the outside of me without knowing me well inside
but i'm glad we talked it over...
but i'm glad we sorted it out...
and i'm glad we left those past hurts then moved for sweeter futures...
while days might be longer and hills might be steeper i never lost any faith that we'd make it there since we have all it takes to get there, a handful love and a series of understandings that others might have envied
and i see no any other foreseeable future that might prevent us from not moving forward with this life, and every leading token to best partnership is now crystal clear, and i know we'll be there, get there, together and forever
if there is a question of when then i shall leave it to the world of certainty to answer since i'm the slave of certainty, and in you, i found load of certainties about life, love and eternity
if there will be a question, as questions keep coming back, i'll be a sweet surrender to your hearty certainty that makes me like a child in the swing of lullaby, a day when you promised to keep me for good and bad, ups and downs, thicks and thins, more and less and forever
if there are many more to ask, or to question, i'll be there with answers and some of answers might not be there as every question might have no answer and some of the best answers are lied in unanswered
and i know this is my now, that's it... nothing more...
live it for now and forever...
loves you so much...
(kevin and anthony)
if i'm blamed to wait too long to see an opened door after another door was closed the other day, i'll take the whole blame, and i never regretted to come to term to seize this joy of life that i'm now savoring
at least, a new beginning started last night when honesty was unveiled in the 70-minute talk over the phone, and i was surprised to have known how much wrong-impression you got over me just by looking the outside of me without knowing me well inside
but i'm glad we talked it over...
but i'm glad we sorted it out...
and i'm glad we left those past hurts then moved for sweeter futures...
while days might be longer and hills might be steeper i never lost any faith that we'd make it there since we have all it takes to get there, a handful love and a series of understandings that others might have envied
and i see no any other foreseeable future that might prevent us from not moving forward with this life, and every leading token to best partnership is now crystal clear, and i know we'll be there, get there, together and forever
if there is a question of when then i shall leave it to the world of certainty to answer since i'm the slave of certainty, and in you, i found load of certainties about life, love and eternity
if there will be a question, as questions keep coming back, i'll be a sweet surrender to your hearty certainty that makes me like a child in the swing of lullaby, a day when you promised to keep me for good and bad, ups and downs, thicks and thins, more and less and forever
if there are many more to ask, or to question, i'll be there with answers and some of answers might not be there as every question might have no answer and some of the best answers are lied in unanswered
and i know this is my now, that's it... nothing more...
live it for now and forever...
loves you so much...
(kevin and anthony)
till day arrives
i'm in doubt if nothing could stop me from leaving this city as my aim to be in the island of god seems to become more imperative than ever as every token of my heart leads to one single evidence that my life has been destined to be there
i'm in doubt if every best dream that i've dreamed for is only to live peacefully in this island, a place where sun shines all year long, a city where live has been well blended with joy and bliss, a destination where my soul finds its best shell
i'm in doubt if anything in this world could stop me from believing that my life was made in east, then shifted to the west, but would end up in the central, a kind of perfect combination of life
i'm in doubt really...
even last night when i was in earnest talk with my dear ones, i shared how much i want to live this life to the fullest, and this might be realized when i move to this island within nearest years as i know the calling is louder than before, and it is my time to pay back to my Dear Lord
and i shared to people i care, woman i love, parent i adore and families i respect that i've been in love with this place, and i'll keep going back to regain my soul that i've left somewhere near the steep cliff where best view of sunset was made once for all
suddenly i know this calling never ends, and i know it'll be coming back for more as i find ton of happiness whenever i arrive there, and some of friends, and old friends started moving there to build up a new community
if time allows me, i'll be there for good, and if my Dear Lord permits me, i wish to be there earlier than planned, but still, i leave it all this to the hand of my Redeemer
till day arrives, i keep hoping, praying and wishing for that day
i'm in doubt if every best dream that i've dreamed for is only to live peacefully in this island, a place where sun shines all year long, a city where live has been well blended with joy and bliss, a destination where my soul finds its best shell
i'm in doubt if anything in this world could stop me from believing that my life was made in east, then shifted to the west, but would end up in the central, a kind of perfect combination of life
i'm in doubt really...
even last night when i was in earnest talk with my dear ones, i shared how much i want to live this life to the fullest, and this might be realized when i move to this island within nearest years as i know the calling is louder than before, and it is my time to pay back to my Dear Lord
and i shared to people i care, woman i love, parent i adore and families i respect that i've been in love with this place, and i'll keep going back to regain my soul that i've left somewhere near the steep cliff where best view of sunset was made once for all
suddenly i know this calling never ends, and i know it'll be coming back for more as i find ton of happiness whenever i arrive there, and some of friends, and old friends started moving there to build up a new community
if time allows me, i'll be there for good, and if my Dear Lord permits me, i wish to be there earlier than planned, but still, i leave it all this to the hand of my Redeemer
till day arrives, i keep hoping, praying and wishing for that day
Wednesday 25 March 2009
..i shall be frank with you...
I shall be frank that I’m happier now than at any other stage of my life and I’m more than ready to sign a contract of living in a place called “heaven on earth” in the near future
Anything is looking up and I could hardly be in a more confident mood that this is the right time to live up my dream, living my dreaming life in the best possible manner
Having gone thru decades of working-hard then followed by years of working-smart, then scored some decent things in my future investments, I suddenly find myself leading a life with realistic ambitions of moving to this dreaming island where sun shines all the way thru the year
It is a far cry from the dark days when all seems life would never been possible to retire young while doing charity work to help the lesser ones, but now all seems to be highly possible and in the next 4 years, by latest, I’m a man with dreaming life
I must, again, confess that…
"I have never been happier throughout my whole life than I am at the moment"
"I have four years left on my plan to work and live in Jakarta and if there was a chance to leave this hectic city, I am sure I would”
"I am entertaining a simply brilliant enterprise, working with a top team with best skills in the industry and I believe in the genuine partnership for which, going forward, I am sure we can be successful"
I must, again, confess that the relationship with my people and my partner plus those who have been in the business with us is the pivotal factor
Now I’m speeding up every possible way to make it earlier as I’m holding my feat with destiny as I know that Bali has stolen my soul since I first visited this place decades back
Now I’m loving the idea of living in Bali is just a matter of time
Now I’m knowing that helping the lesser ones is another feat of my life that I must do to repay the talents our Dear Lord has given to me
I know I’d do this with all of my heart…
(for always)….
Anything is looking up and I could hardly be in a more confident mood that this is the right time to live up my dream, living my dreaming life in the best possible manner
Having gone thru decades of working-hard then followed by years of working-smart, then scored some decent things in my future investments, I suddenly find myself leading a life with realistic ambitions of moving to this dreaming island where sun shines all the way thru the year
It is a far cry from the dark days when all seems life would never been possible to retire young while doing charity work to help the lesser ones, but now all seems to be highly possible and in the next 4 years, by latest, I’m a man with dreaming life
I must, again, confess that…
"I have never been happier throughout my whole life than I am at the moment"
"I have four years left on my plan to work and live in Jakarta and if there was a chance to leave this hectic city, I am sure I would”
"I am entertaining a simply brilliant enterprise, working with a top team with best skills in the industry and I believe in the genuine partnership for which, going forward, I am sure we can be successful"
I must, again, confess that the relationship with my people and my partner plus those who have been in the business with us is the pivotal factor
Now I’m speeding up every possible way to make it earlier as I’m holding my feat with destiny as I know that Bali has stolen my soul since I first visited this place decades back
Now I’m loving the idea of living in Bali is just a matter of time
Now I’m knowing that helping the lesser ones is another feat of my life that I must do to repay the talents our Dear Lord has given to me
I know I’d do this with all of my heart…
(for always)….
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