i'll take you there...

when i'm thinking of stand still, you come and offer two steps forward, a kind of drive that boosts every best need in my deep heart, and i don't know why your arrival has always been punctual

when i'm wordless with moment of confusion, you unveil new words of love then show what the true love is without asking me whether to love you back is a must, instead you offer me a choice to be free like a bird

when i'm trapped of mixed feelings of being human, you step in and lead me to one corner of life, showing me a series of wonderful things, sharing me load of wondrous moments that later i know they are magical by any standard

and then i'm lost in thanking you in the end...
and i know you my guardian angel sent by our Dear Lord only for me...

if i can be honest...
sometimes i wish i were your hope when doubt arrives
sometimes i wish i were your tears under the pouring rain
sometimes i wish i were your channel into blissfulness
sometimes and many times...

if time still remains, if clock still ticks then i know my time will arrive to take you back home, a place where sun shines all the year without being disrupted by immortal disease of living (this is what you've been wanting)...

i know you need a peaceful place to live your remaining future, a kind of place where your dream to be gardener might be visualized in real terms, as you keep mentioning this wish over and over again (this is what you've been wishing for)...

and i promise you to take you there, a home of peacefulness, a kind of place where your heart belongs forever

i'll take you there...

...moments and suddenly...

sometimes i love being unknown...
sometimes i just love being unnoticed...
sometimes i just think and love being no one...
sometimes i just wish, hope and love being someone that falls into ordinary...
sometimes i just miss the moment of being nothing with myself...

the moment when i feel nothing is the joyful moment when i start thanking for everything i've been blessed, a healthy breath and a happy life which is precious by any means

the moment when i stop thinking is the enticing moment when i feel abundant, fulfilled with present life for which many have said i've been blessed more than others, and still, the blessing continues pouring

the moment when i look outside is the cracking moment when i feel full inside when my hunger of loving my loved ones is suddenly driving me like no endless road for which my scale of loving is suddenly inflating to the unthinkable level with which i have no control

suddenly i'm only dealing with moments....
suddenly i'm seeing myself into moments....
suddenly i'm with ms. giving heart that melts me to the ground...

suddenly i see bright future in my hands...

Me & Giving

Suddenly I know I must write again and I don’t have to like what I have to write

All I do know I must write what I’m feeling now as load of thoughts have been stamping upon my mind in the past two days, something which is unusual to feel but usual to beat and I’m now taking this chance

I might have been overjoyed with what this life has treated me in some extents, and my belief in giving instead of taking seems to be behind every move that I lately make, despite increased alertness has also been followed with whether my giving is the right giving or not

I must write what I believe about “pay it forward” despite I have not watched this movie
I must write “pay it forward” because I think it is like contagious disease which is good
I must write it, right now, as I know it is something worthwhile for fighting for
I must write to tell you I want to do something more for this decent world

So now I’m writing…

A few days ago, I was faced with slightly delicate situation where I was asked to favor things I’m tempted to do which is to help someone in thorny situation where a fast help is the only choice

I was torn into two as another alert from this bottom heart was in question, but I was just too blind to say “yes” because I know it was something I shall do instinctively when things get harsh when I know I shall lend a helping hand

When I agreed to favor, a series of thankfulness was flown, but all I had in mind was a sentence of “pay it forward”, and it was just spoken out in blink of an eye which was funny to read but then it was enjoyable to feel in later hours… I said…”

“don’t thank me, but thanks to our Dear God, because He makes this meeting possible, and He was given me a chance to show you to do another PAY IT FORWARD to someone else, somewhere in the future, whenever someone comes and asks help from you”

I don’t know the impact of my sentence, but all I know the lad was sitting in front of me was close to tears, and he is a mature guy, older than me, better than me, smarter than me and more experience than me…

I was thrilled for some seconds and I have nothing to say in later minutes…
I was drown into unknowingness of my sentence but gladness of telling was just overwhelmed…

Then I believe I might have done something minor to this world by doing something good forward which we all do have rights to do, but few might be interested to do, but then I promise to do this as partly of my commitment to do more “giving and giving”

I was still in the state of shock to know this chap was still sticking to my words, and finally when he left he promised to do the same to others who might come later to ask for another favor

Suddenly, ton of blissfulness comes into feeling and it was just enormous to handle this blessing, but I know it was all just a decent beginning

All I learn when giving is a habit, taking would mean less as giving gives more joys than what taking could give…

Try to keep giving as He’ll do the taking

I love giving, and I want to meet the love of my life, Ms. Giving shortly…

punctuality, selfish & sour taste in my mouth

i might have a song to sing but i'm not sure whether you have lyrics to write

and if you do what kind of lyrics to share?
was it a blemish lyrics?
or was it bleak tone?

to be honest, loads in this mind to write but i'm unsure whether blaming, accusing, or pointing finger to others is a good way to earn respect, instead i believe it is one of the simplest ways of losing respect from others

and i'm now sure that seeing some attitudes in selfish people on the last friday really produced some bad tastes of sourest feeling in my mouth, and this bad taste remained here till the minute when jotting down this piece of writing

i tried hard to leave it all behind, but the harder i tried the harder it haunted me back, so i shall be honest to share that last friday was a blemish day as the person i must meet was simply unpunctual, unjust, selfish, blaming lover and just unnice to meet with

i shall be 30-minute earlier from the scheduled meeting to avoid any potential late of weekend's traffic, and i was there in senayan city at 430pm, as the meeting shall be at 5pm, and this meeting had been rescheduled from 4pm, because i sensed that 4pm might be too tight for this person

when reaching there, i texted that i was ready at any time for the meeting, and it was replied that "thanks for informing, and i'll see you soon", and with this reply i was sure to meet up at 5pm as i must leave this place at 630pm to have another gathering meeting at 7pm in cityloft (later i joined my friends in mu cafe)

what happened to my surprise, this person turned up in 535pm, without any noticed despite i texted twice to confirm whether the meeting was still on or not, and when i was about to leave, this person turned up with smile by saying "sorry i was disrupted by shoes for a while"...(later i found out this person was shopping shoes before meeting me... omg)...

i felt sour in my mouth, and my body language was clear with unease feeling...
right away i felt unease dealing with this person and it was just killing me...

and what happened next was even amazing as i was blamed from being too discipline with schedule and left no room to be late, and i was left wordless to know that i was in the position to be accused further...
(where in the world the wrong accuses the right?)...

i was lost for a moment or two...
when i was finally able to get myself on the grip, i noticed that this person shared a series of things that i abhored most in this life which is unpunctual and selfishness...

look, i'm not a perfect by any means and i can be late or later by all means too, but i believe it is really fair if we tell the other side if we are late or later, while indicating how long will be late as this is to show some good respect to others which is very common by any means

but without any notices, instead shared the blames, and tried hard to defend some arguments which is silly and baseless in my very assessment, i think, this person was just wrecking the whole good image that i had and this was disaster indeed from now onward

gladly to know in later hour before saying good bye, an apology was shared and accepted, despite no sign of sincerity in apologizing was given, for which, i think it was an obvious indication this person was just too much for the pride

i might be wrong in sharing this, but i think i must write for relieving something i feel really bad in this mouth...

i'm hopeful our Dear Lord will understand why i shall complain about this as i'm -by nature- not a complainer, but this person took so much of my dislike of last friday

till day arrives i know i shall find the best way to deal with this person, i shall take more initiatives by callings or texting before the meeting, otherwise, my time was wasted, and if possible, i try not to deal with such personality that only leaves plenty of sour taste in my mouth

have a splendid monday everyone...

i'm glad...

and we don't know how it ends as i never know when it begins...

if i'm blamed to wait too long to see an opened door after another door was closed the other day, i'll take the whole blame, and i never regretted to come to term to seize this joy of life that i'm now savoring

at least, a new beginning started last night when honesty was unveiled in the 70-minute talk over the phone, and i was surprised to have known how much wrong-impression you got over me just by looking the outside of me without knowing me well inside

but i'm glad we talked it over...
but i'm glad we sorted it out...
and i'm glad we left those past hurts then moved for sweeter futures...

while days might be longer and hills might be steeper i never lost any faith that we'd make it there since we have all it takes to get there, a handful love and a series of understandings that others might have envied

and i see no any other foreseeable future that might prevent us from not moving forward with this life, and every leading token to best partnership is now crystal clear, and i know we'll be there, get there, together and forever

if there is a question of when then i shall leave it to the world of certainty to answer since i'm the slave of certainty, and in you, i found load of certainties about life, love and eternity

if there will be a question, as questions keep coming back, i'll be a sweet surrender to your hearty certainty that makes me like a child in the swing of lullaby, a day when you promised to keep me for good and bad, ups and downs, thicks and thins, more and less and forever

if there are many more to ask, or to question, i'll be there with answers and some of answers might not be there as every question might have no answer and some of the best answers are lied in unanswered

and i know this is my now, that's it... nothing more...
live it for now and forever...

loves you so much...
(kevin and anthony)

till day arrives

i'm in doubt if nothing could stop me from leaving this city as my aim to be in the island of god seems to become more imperative than ever as every token of my heart leads to one single evidence that my life has been destined to be there

i'm in doubt if every best dream that i've dreamed for is only to live peacefully in this island, a place where sun shines all year long, a city where live has been well blended with joy and bliss, a destination where my soul finds its best shell

i'm in doubt if anything in this world could stop me from believing that my life was made in east, then shifted to the west, but would end up in the central, a kind of perfect combination of life

i'm in doubt really...

even last night when i was in earnest talk with my dear ones, i shared how much i want to live this life to the fullest, and this might be realized when i move to this island within nearest years as i know the calling is louder than before, and it is my time to pay back to my Dear Lord

and i shared to people i care, woman i love, parent i adore and families i respect that i've been in love with this place, and i'll keep going back to regain my soul that i've left somewhere near the steep cliff where best view of sunset was made once for all

suddenly i know this calling never ends, and i know it'll be coming back for more as i find ton of happiness whenever i arrive there, and some of friends, and old friends started moving there to build up a new community

if time allows me, i'll be there for good, and if my Dear Lord permits me, i wish to be there earlier than planned, but still, i leave it all this to the hand of my Redeemer

till day arrives, i keep hoping, praying and wishing for that day

..i shall be frank with you...

I shall be frank that I’m happier now than at any other stage of my life and I’m more than ready to sign a contract of living in a place called “heaven on earth” in the near future

Anything is looking up and I could hardly be in a more confident mood that this is the right time to live up my dream, living my dreaming life in the best possible manner

Having gone thru decades of working-hard then followed by years of working-smart, then scored some decent things in my future investments, I suddenly find myself leading a life with realistic ambitions of moving to this dreaming island where sun shines all the way thru the year

It is a far cry from the dark days when all seems life would never been possible to retire young while doing charity work to help the lesser ones, but now all seems to be highly possible and in the next 4 years, by latest, I’m a man with dreaming life

I must, again, confess that…
"I have never been happier throughout my whole life than I am at the moment"

"I have four years left on my plan to work and live in Jakarta and if there was a chance to leave this hectic city, I am sure I would”

"I am entertaining a simply brilliant enterprise, working with a top team with best skills in the industry and I believe in the genuine partnership for which, going forward, I am sure we can be successful"

I must, again, confess that the relationship with my people and my partner plus those who have been in the business with us is the pivotal factor

Now I’m speeding up every possible way to make it earlier as I’m holding my feat with destiny as I know that Bali has stolen my soul since I first visited this place decades back

Now I’m loving the idea of living in Bali is just a matter of time

Now I’m knowing that helping the lesser ones is another feat of my life that I must do to repay the talents our Dear Lord has given to me

I know I’d do this with all of my heart…
(for always)….

Kevin & Me

She Is My Lover (1)

In life, I'm a slave of my dreams… In happiness, I'm a slave of giving.

I don't know if you read my recent email to you a month ago but I think and hope you'll get the message… Sometimes, you've got to be a little cruel to be kind (especially when telling the honesty)…

Fact is, money isn't everything... Status isn’t anything….

I'm thinking of myself, my families, my best friends and my responsibility to our Dear Lord here, too…. Perhaps it's vanity; perhaps it's the passion for helping others I've carried since I was kid…. But I cannot bear the thought of saying goodbye to help the lesser ones...

I've done few to help others and I’d love to give it another crack in giving more and help others to reach their dreams thru proper educational path that everyone is deserved to have

But for that, I've got to work hard and smart

My heart is now talking to two things: balance and boundary…
In balance I’ve found load of amicable natures while in boundary I’ve found pool of acceptances

Of course, I will obey every of what I can’t do in giving…
This isn't it about fame or fortune…. For once, it's just about giving

Have a splendid Monday everyone!

She Is My Lover...

Saying good bye is never easy, especially when the timing is not right and reason is only slight. But, please, you have to let me go.

Truth is, I've found another love.
With her, I feel fulfilled and I feel blessed

She's given me a new spell on my life and I've rediscovered my good reason to be happier in this life

Her name is “giving heart”…
Some call her "charity work" and I've been tickled pink ever since I met her recently, and like my joyful times with swimming and yoga, I'm back where I feel happier: giving to the lesser and helping the unfortunate ones

Yes, I know I said my love for Bali would be unrivalled, my assigned works might be too hectic, and both might limit my chance of doing the giving in Jakarta

Yes, you are right to think this way but I didn't know then that being involved with charity work would be so much fun. (And the fulfillment in my heart ... Wow!)

Perhaps you missed my goal of life which I should have told you earlier when we met the other day.

Was my best friend “just give it without take it” shown to you my philosophy of life before?

Anyhow, the joy of giving was a gem, the kind that made me happy, a free ticket to walk in the path of bliss that I’ve learnt from my tutor of life “mr. yoga”

Truth, I'm still learning happiness' language, but I know what "joy" means

I know it's hard on you...
But here I am once again… giving is my joy… I’ll keep doing this while I can

I’m now missing a gal with charity’s heart badly…

dare to dream....

...dare to dream, but even more importantly, dare to put action behinds your dreams...

It Is What We Do

"We don't choose the day you enter the world and we don't chose the day you leave... It's what we do in between that makes all the difference"

It Is What We Do

"We don't choose the day you enter the world and we don't chose the day you leave... It's what we do in between that makes all the difference"

It Is What We Do...

"We don't choose the day you enter the world and we don't chose the day you leave... It's what we do in between that makes all the difference"

Our Dear Lord....

"Our Dear Lord does not want us to do extraordinary things; He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well"...


"Our Dear Lord does not want us to do extraordinary things; He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well"...


"Our Dear Lord does not want us to do extraordinary things; He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well"...

i'm sorry...

i'm sorry if this time i won't be lying...
and i won't be lying since i didn't feel fine when dealing with your "only want to be heard's attitude" last night and it sent ripples of sour taste into my mouth as this has happened more than 3-time in the past one month

i'm sorry if shall shun your calls...
and i shall shun them as i know myself better, as i know i shall do something to skip any further argument that might have hurt both of us for which this is something i didn't want to happen to this friendship

i'm sorry if i can be no longer being dishonest...
and i'd be dishonest if i say that everything was just fine while i didn't feel fine as i'm highly tempted to confess that it was a-30-minute-waste-of-time when talking and listening to you

i'm sorry if i might be tempted not to know you more...
and i must do so since i prefer to keep only all-those-good-thoughts of you as a person with smart brain and independent attitude with which they might be good to be remembered in this friendship

i'm sorry if this is what it takes to stay good in this friendship...
and this is what a friend shall do when things turn sour as i can't lie to myself that our friendship is good but not great and i prefer to keep it that way in the sphere where hurt is and can be avoided

i'm sorry if last night was made...
i'm sorry if i can't deal with someone who only wants to be understood...
i'm sorry if i admire someone who wants to understand others first before sharing the wants to be understood...

i'm sorry if i was slightly dishonest in the past...
i'm sorry if i was unable to lie any longer...
i'm sorry...

Last Night In St Theresa

Last night I was in the Church of Life, letting three candles burnt while sending simple prayers to my Dear Lord to take a good care of my loved ones and my business that is now in the fast lane of growing path

Last night I was in Saint Theresa, being another person with sincerity and praying for simplicity as this life has been wonderful and I just want to swim this ocean of joy by being a person who believes in my Redeemer only

Last night I was amazed by one simple confession of one imperfect chap who lost his voice due to throat cancer, but then he stood up above anything and cared for nothing but to voice his love of our Savior which is unbelievable

Last night I was blessed to learn from this chap that there are 3 ways how our Dear Lord might have loved us in this life, and those 3 ways are suddenly putting me back to all those days when life was seemingly unfair but then I know by now He has loved me most by any means

And last night I was there, thanking for another week that has gone by, wishing for another week to come by and longing for every lesson that I might take up as life is a learning process that never ends

And last night I was there in my Church of Life, in Saint Theresa, with love and joy
And last night I was overjoyed by the facts I’m living a life which is nearly perfect

And last night I was there to see my candles melting to the end
And last night my love for my Redeemer was strengthened till the end

Have a splendid Monday!

The Beauty of Falling Rain

Who says falling rain is less beautiful?
I never say and I won’t…

Falling rain for me is an enticing moment to savor where a cup of hot tea seems to taste million bucks…

Have you tried this before?
Holding a cup of hot tea while biting one piece of croissant?
It is just fantastic in feeling…

If I can be honest, the view of this morning when this writing is composed is so cracking when pouring rain leads to another spell of misty look, a moment where the lights of motorists emerge like fireflies that are so nice to savor

Can you feel it?

And now…
Every drop of pouring rain describes the love of our Dear Lord to continue letting every grass, tree and forest to live their lives in the fullest meanings by savoring the natural water from heaven

Don’t you think it is really great?

Every now and then I know every pouring rain is a balance of sunny day, and what our Dear Lord has prepared is a life in balance, and I realize a life in balance is a fulfilled life, and a fulfilled life is the simplest secret to live this life to the fullest where utmost joy is well guaranteed

Happy pouring rain everyone!

Sore Ini

Aku selalu merindukan sore seperti sore ini, langit bersaput awan mendung, gerimis turun perlahan, suhu menurun mengikuti jejak malam.

Aku selalu mencintai sore seperti sore ini, hening.. sepi.. cenderung dingin, apakah hati ini memang benar benar sedingin sore ini ? aku tak tahu, mungkin jawabannya iya atau hanya terkadang saja hatiku bisa sebeku ini ..

Aku selalu menikmati sore seperti sore ini, ketika matahari turun perlahan nun jauh disana, tanpa diganggu dering telepon manapun dan ditemani secangkir kopi hangat, aku menggali perasaan-perasaan ku sendiri, mencoba menyusun puzzle-puzzle hidup ku yang masih berantakan.

Aku menghirup dalam-dalam angin yang berhembus sore ini, seakan tak biarkan itu terlewat percuma, sore dimana aku mencoba menjadi pribadi yang sederhana, hidup untuk hari ini saja, tak takut apa yang terjadi esok, tak khawatir apa yang mungkin menimpa, tak menduga-duga apa yang belum terjadi didepan mata, dan semuanya aku serahkan kepada Sang Pencipta.

(load of thanks, von... for allowing me posting this stunning piece of your writing)

love letter (from the breeze, the semaya, seminyak bali)

my dearly beloved,

and the love of bali continues as the love for you continues blooming...

in a way where love was planted seemed to be perfect, it was the way how love was blossomed that made me passionate about you and yourself...

while many would whisper over and over again that they way love was planted was the best way to judge our love, i'd continue arguing and believing that "how the way was blossomed" was that mattered most to our only beloved love...

and i know i'd stick to what i believe in till heaven bursts...

and if felt "the breeze" in the samaya hotel might be too magical to feel when rain was harshly falling on previous saturday night, still, i was thinking that being with you would always matter most than which places we might have gone...

and if wished "the sea breeze" nearby shore might be too unreal to wish when moments we had seemed to be unrivalled, still, i could say that every smile you shared was enjoyed more than any italian salad or belgium breads that we had that night...

and if many "ifs" would be continued writing then i'd believe many "thens" would be continued jotting down too...

but the whole truth would stand forever across the time that with whom you go always matters most than where you go...

and suddenly my passion of writing about bali is now coming back again, and i must write about you more and more ( as more as i want t0 write about bali )...

still, i'm wordless to depict what blasting feeling i was involved with you in these recent days...

still, i'm speechless to tell you how much previous trip has taken me to another phase of life which is blissful is the feeling and joyful is the emotion...

still, many more to write despite too few to confess as i'm better in writing than telling...

now it is now that allows me to write about you...
now it is today that makes me believe that our love is now written in the stars...
now it is tomorrow that makes me wish to be with you for always...

(i wish i had done enough to make you believe that i love you)..
(i wish i had seen enough every token to believe that you were made for me)..
(i wish i had writen enough to make you feel how much i want you to be in this life)..

with every love in the world,
kevin anthony